October 23, 2012 Weights

Dear God,

WOW. This concert was absolutely amazing. I got to see Tenth Avenue North along with Audrey Assad and another band called Renn Collective Experiment (I may have spelt that wrong). You never know you need something like that until you leave. I went into the concert recovering from an awful day, frustrating week and overall not so great month. I was in tears pretty much the entire concert. These artists really have a great connection with God. It was so incredible to share that with them! I am so lucky to have been there.
Their songs hit home and I left the concert in tears feeling so much lighter than before! If you get a chance to see them in concert, TAKE IT!
You never know how much of a weight is on your heart until it's been lifted.

Love you,

Amen.

September 1, 2012 Dare to be different

Dear God,

Here's another story I want to share today.
http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/dad-protects-son-bullies-wearing-skirt-guess-works-153600107.html

It's about being bold and not ashamed of who you are. A little boy likes girl clothing including skirts and dresses. I don't blame him, they're roomy and give you room to breathe and move! Plus they're super cute! He is 5 years old and wears dresses. Yes. Dresses. Don't believe me? Look at the picture.
He is rocking a red dress. When his family moved to a different town, people started making fun of him.
Let's stop there first. Seriously people? Making fun of a 5 year old? FIVE YEAR OLD? You can't pick on someone your own size? Geez.
Anyway, this little boy's father, Nils Pickert, decides to do something bold. He doesn't try to talk his son out of wearing dresses or skirts. That would destroy his self confidence and make him ashamed of himself.
Instead, Pickert decides to rock a skirt himself with his son our in public. He's not ashamed to be different.
Nils Pickert, you win father of the year. In fact, the prize is yours for the next 10 years. I've never seen someone stand out like that for his son. Or anyone in general actually. People are so afraid to break the mold of society. No one is brave enough to be different. The few that are brave enough, like the little boy, get shot down and humiliated.
Why do we do this? We should celebrate differences, not be ashamed of them. Sorry, but I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to be unique, I want to be me.
God says there's nothing wrong with me exactly the way I am. There's nothing wrong with a 5 year old boy wearing dresses and skirts.
Screw what society says. A boy wearing dresses and skirts is wrong? Why? Because it's meant for girls? That's the worst reason I've ever heard.
Let's stop listening to society and pushing down our true selves. Let's stop trapping who we really are. Let's forget the person we've become to make society happy. Let's make ourselves happy. For one day. For one week.
I wish we could all be like Nils Pickert and stand up for someone who's different.
I don't want to live my life in fear of differences. Life is so boring without them!
I'm daring to be different. Goodbye cookie mold of society, hello real me!

Love you,

Amen

August 26, 2012 Rant

Dear God,

You know what's frustrating? Having different personalities than your family members. Not your immediate family, but your cousins and uncles.
My grandma and guy cousin came to visit this weekend.
It was fun! But I was once again reminded of how different we are.
I like to have fun and I'm not super uptight about things. I can take a joke and be silly. In fact, I do it quite often. If someone does something I don't like, I won't throw a hissy fit in front of them. I'll just ask them to quit it.
The cousin that came to visit along with his dad (my uncle) are two people that are very opposite from me. My aunt and girl cousin are cool. We can actually talk and laugh. I've never been close to my uncle though. We're just so different. It's actually really annoying when we go to visit. I'll try to talk and connect, but I just can't be myself. I try to be myself and just think "screw it. I'm me. Done." but it just doesn't work. My immediate family gets my jokes and silly humor and even my grandma, aunt and girl cousin laugh! But never the uncle or guy cousin. I don't really care if they don't think I'm funny, but the thing is, we have NOTHING in common. Like NOTHING at all. What they find funny, I have no interest in. What they think is proper and correct, I like to bend. My family is more laid back. They're not.
If it wasn't for Boyfriend tagging along with us everywhere, I would've gone insane. Especially tonight when boy cousin threw a hissy fit over Yahtzee dice. Honestly. Dice? How old are we? 12?
HA.
It's just so frustrating not being able to connect even when you try your hardest. Oh well. What else can I do right?
That's my rant for the night. It's just been one of those days, you know?

Love you,

Amen

August 10, 2012 Wrapping Paper

Dear God,

I don't understand boys. I don't understand life. I don't understand a lot of things about you God. I don't understand why I can't stand in 80 degree weather for more than 10 seconds. I don't understand why I am so lazy. I don't understand why dried fruit is the best thing in the world. There are a lot of things I don't understand and are okay with. The one thing that really bothers me, the one thing that hurts me inside more than anything to see, the one thing I REALLY don't understand...
...is why people hate people that they don't understand or people that are a bit different.
Especially if it's something the person can't control.
Last night, I saw a page called "Adalia Rose is ugly" on Facebook.. A page dedicated to making a little girl with a disease feel ugly.
I've seen pages dedicated to people like Drake and Lil Wayne saying they're ugly which is just as bad but a little girl? Especially one with a disease?
Any faith in humanity I had left flew out the window when I saw this.
What's worse is that there are multiple pages for this. Not just one, but multiple pages making a little girl feel ugly.
Of course her parents are going to be there and tell her she's beautiful and her friends will be supportive but no one remembers the good things said. They remember the one negative comment that scars them forever.
Every horrible comment or page made is like slashing a scar in Adalia.
I don't understand why people do things like this.
Is your life really so miserable that you have to step on other people just to feel good for 10 seconds?
They'll probably forget the awful thing they said or did a week later but the victim will never forget.
They'll try. But the scar will always be there. Yes, scars heal. But there should never have been a scar in the first place.
Especially on someone so young.
It's not her fault she's sick. It's not her fault she looks the way she does. Why should we judge her based off her looks? We've never talked to her. We've never spent time with her and gotten to know what she wants to be when she grows up or what her favorite stuffed animal is.
Why do we run because she looks a little different than the rest of us?
Here's an example. Before my hiking accident, I looked like a regular person. Another face in the crowd. After my accident and stitches, my face got puffed up and I was unrecognizable. Honestly, I looked more like a duck than a human being.
But did that change who I was inside? No.
I was the same gift, the wrapping was the only thing that changed.
It's the same thing for Adalia.
If she had different wrapping paper around her beautiful soul, I'm sure people would be running to her instead of away from her. People would be saying she's beautiful, not ugly.
So many people miss beautiful gifts simply because of the way it's wrapped.
We don't get to decide how we're wrapped. God does.
God doesn't make mistakes.
We're made the way God made us. And God's way is perfect.
Who cares what the wrapping paper looks like?
It's so easy to look past the wrapping paper on Christmas because we know the gift inside it is so much more valuable. Why can't we do that with people? Why can't we look past their wrapping paper everyday?
There's a beautiful gift inside, waiting to be found.
I for one don't want to miss any beautiful gifts. I definiately don't want to be criticizing God's creations either.
Let's take off our distorted lense placed by society teaching us to hate everything that doesn't look like it came from a cookie cutter.
I'm tired of having a distorted view. I want to start looking past the wrapping paper.
On Christmas, we keep the gift inside, not the wrapping paper.

Love you,

Amen

August 7, 2012 Look at the Cross

Look at the cross


A soft voice, simple words,

something full of truth and sting,

contemplating your value and worth,

when the final hit lets out a ring.



The gentle hand glides across your face,

those smiling eyes,

laughing lips full of grace.



Glance into the glass,

your reflection transforms,

mesh into one giant mass,

hair explodes into a thousand storms.



Your once bright eyes,

now suddenly dull,

you thought you were beautiful?

Ha, what a fool.



Another voice, someone different,

my child, look again,

look again, the voice now distant.



Child don't look,

there's nothing to see

you simply don't matter,

why, you're as plain as can be.

Why live any longer?

There is no purpose,

your beauty's a goner,

now stop all this madness.



The cap is off,

three, four, five pills come out.

No, don't make me scoff.

Six, seven, eight, stop messing about

dump the whole bottle.

Whole bottle I say!

Your life is a mess,

you're the one to pay.



A gentle reminder,

a common thought,

catch the whisper,

before it's gone.



Look again my child,

take one more glance.

You'll see something different,

give it one more chance.



One last glance,

see the man,

giant claws, scary glare,

darkness so dark,

you're hardly there.



Why not end it?

I'm as plain as can be.

It'll be so easy...



But child, you matter to me.



Who's there? Who said that?

It was no one, push forward.

The pill is small, you swig it a bit,

down one with water,

but child, you don't need it.



Who's there? Show yourself!



Open your eyes,

you'll see me, my child.

Once more into the reflection,

there's a new man.

Glowing so bright,

you see nothing but light.



What could you possibly see?

I'm dirty and cruel,

my words sting like a bee.

I'm angry and jealous,

and want more beauty.

Smile so wide it can't be real,

my eyes see different,

now let me reveal.



Reflection swirling,

your soft hair glows,

a gentle gasp,

as your tears flow.



The stains have been washed,

the dark man is defeated,

my child, you're clean,

now don't be deceived.

I've already won,

my love you've received.



Hold on to me

all the days of your life,

the dark man is gone,

now live without strife.



Flash and a poof

away he went,

leaving promise after promise

built in cement.



The ugliness is back

along with the dark man

you eye the bottle,

like it's an old friend.



Don't forget my promises,

even in the chaos,

I promise I'm there,

just look at the cross.

August 5, 2012 The Accident

Dear God,

I went hiking yesterday with Boyfriend and our friend. We decided to go rock climbing off the ledge a bit where people weren't supposed to go. Me being me, I decided to climb up a ledge the boys warned me against. I thought I could do it, it looked so easy! But oh, looks are deceiving like no other.
I started climbing it with a feeling in my stomach to stop but I didn't. I kept climbing and lost a hand hold when I reached up. My hand fell back down to my side and the next thing I knew, I woke up in Boyfriend's arms. It felt like I had taken a nap and woke up on rocks with concerned Boyfriend and friend making sure I was okay. I lifted up my hands and saw them covered in blood. Of course I went into shock. I didn't feel any pain as I examined myself. I started panicing and whimpering. Could all of that blood really be mine?
After about 10 minutes of them calming me down, I had to climb back up out of the ledge area and hike back down 2 miles to the car so we could go to the hospital. Climbing out was the hardest thing to do. I cried a lot, terrified of falling again and getting even more hurt. But I had to get out to go to the hospital.
After hiking down 2 miles and letting the shock and adrenaline erase the pain for a little bit, we got in the car and rushed to the hospital.
The doctors examined me and I told them what happened. They said I was really lucky.
Boyfriend told them what happened. I had blacked out and he had tried to catch me, only to get his arms tangled in my legs. I had fallen rag doll style and landed face and arms first, rolled a couple feet and finally came to a stop in the bushes face down. If Boyfriend hadn't been there to slow down my momentum, I could've rolled over the ledge and off the cliff.
I escaped with a concussion, broken nose, about 12 stitches on my upper lip in a cool Z squiggle like Harry Potter but sideways and scrapes and cuts all over my body. Sleeping was impossible that night. Every time I close my eyes, I see myself falling, limp and still and open my eyes before impact. I can't watch it. Boyfriend can't bare the thought and image of his girlfriend falling either.
I was terrified that Boyfriend would walk away and not stay by my side since I now look like a duck with a swollen lip and swollen eye from the swollen nose.
But later that night, Boyfriend came over and kept me company as we watched a movie and talked. I am still the most beautiful girl in the world in his eyes and I can't be more thankful for him. I cried a lot, not out of pain but because I was so thankful for the loving people around him.
The next day (today), one of my best friends came over and dropped off flowers, a stuffed animal, card, starbucks giftcard and small balloons.
This accident has opened my eyes in a new way. I don't regret it happening. In fact, I'm glad it happened.
I've always been self conscious about looks even though friends, family and Boyfriend would tell me I look good. I didn't realize how much I had valued looks and how shallow I had become. Now that my looks are taken away for a while, all I have is my personality and who I am on the inside.
I was so scared that people wouldn't stay by me because I felt ugly. Hideous. Like a monster.
But the loving people in my life have shown nothing but kindness. Not out of pity, but love.
I'm learning that looks aren't important. God sees me as beautiful no matter what I look like on the outside. People around me love me for my personality and who I am, not just my outside shell.
Now it's time for me to love me. I'm learning.
I'm also very excited for what God has in store. I know God doesn't let pain go to waste and I know He will be there for me every step of the way. He's going to redeem my pain and injury to glorify His kingdom and I am SO excited!
My only prayer request is that my heart be open to His calling and that His kingdom be glorified.
Prayer for a painless and quick healing would also be appreciated, but God's kingdom is more important than my face. It's okay if I am scarred for life above my lip and nose. I'm learning that my heart is more beautiful and God loves me no matter what. Bruises and all.
I think I've had enough one adventure for one summer.

Love you,

Amen

July 31, 2012 Food For Thought

Dear God,

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/man-last-wish-big-tips-inspires-big-donations-195754349.html
I love stories like these. It's so cool how one guy's wish and one brother's commitment and love grew into something so much bigger than its original intent! One dying man wanted his brother to tip $500 to a random waiter or waitress.
FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!
People from all over donated money to the family since they didn't have $500 laying around (go figure) and they raised nearly $50,000!
Now that family is going around tipping random waiters and waitresses $500 and changing lives. How cool is that?
I can't even imagine receiving that much money from a total stranger for no reason.
I wish people around the world would give so openly with a loving heart. We could change so many lives!
I recently began tithing at church 10% of what I earn from my summer job and I plan on continuing that even during the school year and hopefully from my next job. It was so hard giving back money to God but once I started, I became excited to tithe the next week. The most I've given in one week is $38.50 and that is a lot of money for a poor student. I thought it'd be difficult and I would freak out, panic about when I'd receive more money, and give up after the first week. But when you open your heart to giving, you stop thinking about yourself and begin thinking of how you can impact others. It's truly amazing.
I love tithing and giving back to God, the creator who provides for me and my family. I trust Him with every other aspect of my life, why not money too? I've always been stingy when it comes to cash, but now I don't worry about that anymore. I trust God and He has shown up every step of the way.
Thank you God!
I hope we can all start giving openly with loving hearts.
Who knows, maybe we'll be one of those lucky waiters or waitresses...

Love you,

Amen