May 20, 2012 Titleless

Dear God,

Hi. How's it going? Good I hope. I bet it sucks watching the world destroy itself. We complan about how awful it is then fuel the flames of destruction. We often sit down when the chance to change presents itself.
Why don't we stand up?
Sometimes I just want to curl in my blankets, make like a burrito and disappear. Today's a day where I want to sit and be alone.
I discovered I'm an introvert. I'm like "No way!" when I discovered this, but I've accepted it and it's so true. Don't get me wrong. I just need time alone to recover and I have the most energy when I'm alone with my thoughts. I don't hate people. Well some. Not all. Okay I don't HATE... I just get annoyed... and hurt them in my head. Multiple times. On a daily basis. Or hourly basis if they decided to eat a bowl of extra annoying cereal for breakfast that day.
You know, sometimes I question my sanity. But I'm sure I'm sane since I'm brave enough to question it. Maybe that makes me insane. Maybe not. Either way, I'm good at appearing normal. ;)
Anyway, hi God. You know, I see you as a Father. I call you Dad sometimes. Is that weird? I don't really know. All I know is that I feel safe.
I keep being pulled to this verse:
"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him" Nahum 1:7
Trust is a funny thing. It's something you know is there but you can't quite describe it. You can't pin your finger on it. It's like oxygen. You can't see it, but you know it's there. Sometimes I trust and feel safe. Othertimes, I say I trust but I'm really making plans to protect myself. Call me paranoid, I call myself smart. It's my just-in-case plan. In case You don't show up. But isn't that ridiculous? God the Almighty, not showing up. Not following through.
Sometimes I really feel that way though. Sometimes I feel like You leave me alone to deal with my problems. But when I look back, I realize You were there the whole time. I've learned that sometimes I'm looking for an elephant when I should be looking for an ant. I completely miss You! Then I slap my forehead and swear I'll never miss You again. "Next time, I'll do better." I tell myself. Yeah, next time. Good luck with that! Next time rolls around and guess what I'm doing? Looking for an elephant. Maybe something bigger like the Empire State Building or Space Needle!
Why? I think I do this because when I'm lost, I need an answer and I need one now. I can't waste time looking for something small. I want something that's clearly in front of me and requires no effort from me. But it doesn't work that way. Miracles and healing isn't simply handed to us. We have to meet God halfway. Which is fair if you ask me. More than fair. Thanks for always being there God and meeting me even if I'm not quite at half way. Thanks for listening. And not interrupting. I appreciate it.

Love you,


Amen.