May 25, 2012 Forgiveness. Or lack of it

Dear God,

Hi. :)
I want to talk about forgiveness today.
Or lack of forgiveness.
Forgiveness has always been one of the hardest things for me. It's easy to say I forgive you, but to mean it with my heart is a completely different story.
I may mean it in the moment, but as soon as something goes wrong, I automatically unforgive them.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm a one strike kind of person. Like oh you did someone wrong to me one time, now I will never forgive you. You're out of here.
Then I feel guilty or even prideful. I feel like I can't even face the person because I feel like I have to keep being angry to make them feel bad and if I don't, then I appear weak.
Does that even make sense? Reading it back, it sounds ridiculous. And it really is.
I'm working on forgiving and really forgiving people even if they've struck out three times.
I do have a limit though. If someone really doesn't change and keeps doing the same old thing they've been doing to hurt me even though we've discussed it, then I think it's time to cut off ties. I still try to forgive them and not hold a grudge or cringe everytime I see them.
Forgiving someone is actually really freeing. By hating someone, you give them control over you. They consume your thoughts and energies and harden your heart. It's painful actually.
Once you truly forgive someone, it's like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders and you can move on with your life.
It's hard to reach that stage though. With some people, you have to deliberately choose to forgive them every single day just so you can find some peace.
For me, I found that praying for the person every single day softened my heart and unlocked my chains of hate.
I usually start like this: "Dear God, I pray for ______. I pray that their day is sunnier so they put a smile on everyone's face."
It feels awkward. Trust me. It is uncomfortable. It feels like I'm defying nature by being nice to this person.
But after a couple days, it gets easier. And by the end of one week, I found myself saying something like this:
"Dear God, I pray for _______. I hope that their day is absolutely incredible and that they are blessed today. I pray that you'll continue to watch over them and I thank you so much for bringing them into my life. They are a beautiful creation and You did a fantastic job."
I know. It's completely insane. I can hear your gasps of shock. How can such hatred melt into love?
Well I believe that through the prayer, you start to see the person through God's eyes and you see how much they're worth.
I know it's hard, but once you overcome it and start seeing them through different eyes, the weight is lifted and it's so freeing.
My prayer today is that all of you can be free from the weights of hatred and unlocked from the chains of anger.
You deserve to live freely! And is the person really worth suffering for?

Love you,

Amen.